I LOVE THIS<3

Well, not literally. I bought Call of Duty: Modern Warefare 2. That is basically like crack for me. I will play multiplayer until the wee hours of the night and neglect pretty much everything else in my life. Sleep? Fuck sleep! I have n00bs to pwn!

Did I just say that? *Shudder*

Anyway, this is just a quick Rissa update. I'm trying not to be flakey with xanga as of late. Tomorrow I will be heading back to my parents house, then taking the train from that town into Brooklyn to see MC Chris at the Knitting Factory. I don't really know what to expect seeing as how I have never gone to one of his shows before, but it will be an experience nonetheless. I'm spending Thanksgiving at the parents house, then driving back to my home and going straight to sleep. Because I am working Black Friday. At 5:30 in the freaking morning. Sigh. Apparently game stores get mobbed on this day and I will be the designated "runner" (aka store bitch). I will be running to the back and grabbing systems and such for the people who are ringing up the moronic customers. Joy. Did I mention I'm working twelve hours?

Kill me?

By the way, you guys can stop sending hate mail. The rape fantasy controversy is over, didn't you get the memo?

Happy Thanksgiving all!

I had a friend once who I admired greatly. She was everything I wasn't; popular, pretty, and had the perfect body. When I hung out with her, I love to let her do makeovers on me... straightening my hair to look like hers, applying makeup in that meticulous manner. She was a goddess to me, and I a mere peasant. Me, with my stubborn skin imperfections, frizzy hair, and awkward glasses on my face. I wanted so bad to switch places with her.

Fast forward about ten years.

My friend has seen a lot of the cruelties in the world, walked down the twisted path while I stayed on the straight and narrow. She has creases by her eyes, usually a mark of distinguished age, looking awkward and sad on her young face. No longer does she exude the radiance and grace that she used to be blessed with. It's as if someone placed a pale veil over her, what manages to show through is a word reminder of what she used to be. I suspect the light in her eyes had diminished the day her father passed away.

This kind of thing happens to everyone at some point or another. The more we face the harsh reality, the more pain is shown on our face. As a result of the years stuck in a tortured childhood, I've had a bit of sadness in my eyes that I always try to hide. I plaster a fake grin on my face and pray that the light will sparkle for a moment. I like to try to hide how jaded I am. After this past week, I found myself staring into the mirror. It might have just been the stress and sleep deprivation, but I saw a hint of my friend in my face.

It scared me.

I don't want reality to turn me into the mere shell of a person, cracked, brittle, and broken.

I have to face the world with all the harshness, it is inevitable. But I must remember to stop every once in a while and take some time to do the little things in life that make me happy. I have to remedy the sadness with simple joy.